Struggles and Surrender

Today, I was pondering what I’m grateful for that starts with an “S” and immediately surrender came to mind.  That’s strange because I’m almost never grateful for surrender and today is no exception.  But that got me thinking that I am usually grateful after I surrender something I’ve been holding too tightly.  It happens when I lose my grip and concede that some things are beyond my control.  It’s when I let go and stop fighting.

I never surrender without a struggle, that’s for sure.   

In my life, the struggle occurs when I cannot or will not accept what is.  I go through life so completely convinced that I know what best for my life, my career, my health, and my future.  Most times, this certainty extends to knowing what’s best for your life too (shocking,  but true!).  I know what the right outcome is, I know how to build a plan to get there, and then I struggle to make all these pieces come together in the right order, on my timeline, under my control.

Then guess what happens when things don’t go that way?  I struggle against why something is or isn’t happening.  For me, surrender means letting go of whatever I thought my life should be or how things were supposed to turn out. It means moving into acceptance of what is –in all its technicolor complexity or its harsh reality.

What is exists today — that’s an important attribute to notice.  Right now.  It’s not fantasy or a plan.  It’s not some horrible dream or a mistake. It is what it is and when I surrender to that notion, I always feel better. Always.

I’m not sure what makes it so hard for me to let go of how I think life should be.  Stubbornness?  An overinflated ego?  Pride, for sure.  Too much time in my own head? All of the above?

So today I’ll practice gratitude for the struggle which shows me I’m human and then, for surrender, which saves me from the prison of my owned flawed thinking.  To struggle and surrender means I’m in the game, playing my heart out, trying to tame my demons and hoping to win.  At least I’m fully alive and working on doing better.  And for that, I’m grateful.