I had a dream last night in which a frenemy from law school played a big role. So I awoke thinking about her or, more truthfully, about how she was “getting ahead” of me in life. I don’t know what made me think of her. It must have been some Facebook post or an equally irrelevant trigger. Anyway. That’s how it started.
I’m reminded of another pointed saying I’ve seen: “Compare and Despair.” Meaning that when we compare ourselves to others, it will inevitably lead to despair. Why? Well, for starters, we don’t really know how anyone’s life is unless they choose to share, honestly. That is not what Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat is for. These sites show the highlight reel–the best pictures, most fun events and happiest posts, all of which are thoughtfully curated to make us look good. Better, in fact, than our real life. Who’d want to show that? We have no idea what’s really happening in someone’s life.
What I know is that when I compare, I inevitably despair. Every time. Like clock work. In sharp contrast, when I look at my life I see all the worts and wrinkles, the longing, the failures, the daily slog, the fear, the insecurity. I see it all. And let me assure you it doesn’t compare favorably to someone else’s highlight reel. An understatement, to say the least.
Another reason it’s unnecessarily punishing to compare ourselves to others is that it is irrelevant. Her life is her life. It has nothing to do with me. Period. She may have some things that I want but I probably have some things she wants. Either way, I’m responsible for my life. It’s my job to fill it with people and work and love and fun. Whatever someone else is or isn’t doing is utterly irrelevant. I just need to keep reminding myself of that.
So now that I’ve told on myself, I feel a little better. I’m going to wish her the best and get back to the real work of my life. Onward and upward.
Boonedoggler 